Reclaiming Your True Spirit: Lessons from My “Too Perfect” Mare
Every horse owner dreams of a “perfect” horse- easy to halter, easy to trim, unfazed by new trails, and steady amidst bustling traffic. My new mare, Jewel, embodies this dream. She handles everything with such ease that it’s almost surreal. However, a recent encounter during a rainstorm revealed something profound about her—and me.
As the rain poured, I brought Jewel into the covered round pen for what I thought would be a playful session. But as soon as I unclipped her lead, she fell into a routine without a prompt from me—walking, trotting, and reversing directions on the rail, as if on autopilot. Calling her name and trying to redirect her energy did little; she continued as if I hadn’t spoken. It was as if she was programmed to perform.
She seemed unable to just “be” in the space with me.
This moment was a stark revelation: Jewel was too good. Too conditioned. Most people might find the idea of a “too good” horse ludicrous—after all, isn’t that the ideal?
But not for me.
I seek a partnership with my equine partner that values and respects autonomy. I yearn to see Jewel’s true spirit and personality. I am now on a journey to help her “un-program” and rediscover her wildness and her sovereignty, much like I once had to rediscover my own.
For decades, I molded myself into various roles for the men in my life—a baseball enthusiast, a surfer girl, a sailor—sacrificing my true desires and passions for stability, love and approval.
It wasn’t until my forties, while extricating myself from an abusive marriage, that I realized the economic stability and love I had sought from that relationship, was not worth the depression and numbness that came with it. Through cognitive therapy, meditation and equine therapy sessions, I began the slow process of unearthing and releasing all of the conditioning that had buried who I truly was at a deep soul level.
As I embark on this new journey with Jewel, I am committed to giving her more choices, honouring her uniqueness, and injecting playfulness and exploration into our time together. Our path forward is not about perfecting any more routines, she clearly knows them all, but about helping her embrace the freedom to express herself—truly and wholly.
For women everywhere, Jewel’s story is a mirror of our own. It reflects how societal expectations can lead us to suppress our spirit and our passions. Yet, like Jewel, we too can reclaim our true self. It begins with recognizing our conditioning, giving ourselves permission to explore what truly brings us joy, and gradually shedding the layers of expectations that confine us.
As I help Jewel reclaim her wildness I am reminded of the power of choice and the freedom that comes with authenticity. For both of us, this journey is not just about unlearning but about celebrating the spirit that emerges when we allow ourselves to be imperfectly, messily real.
“The way to maintain one’s connection to the wild is to ask yourself what it is that you want.”
― Women Who Run With the Wolves